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 thread  Author  Topic: What if Dr Seuss had written the Gorean Books??  (Read 161 times)
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xx What if Dr Seuss had written the Gorean Books??
« Thread started on: Jul 20th, 2017, 04:18am »

If he had written them we would have this .... chuckles....

Now the Whos in Who-ro-ba were snug in their furs
Not dreaming of Vosk Sharks or Pirates or Kurs
When a sudden kajira-thump sounded quite loud!
(And the Whos wear the scarlet, of which they're quite proud)
So they rang the alarm bar! Clang-Clang! and Ring-Dong!
(For a Warrior's response time is never too long)
And all armed with their helmets, their spears and whangdoodles,
Their shortswords and round shields and Schendese kaboodles
They dashed to their posts! And just what did they see?
But a Priest King as tall as kailiauk...times Three!
The Priest King before them was golder than gold,
His numerous appendages began to unfold
The Whos gathered round him, one let out a squeak
As the Priest King emitted an odor to speak!
"If your slave is a Dina," the Priest King did smell,
"And you give her some bina, which she thinks is swell,
"But she whines for some bana, and her name is Tina...
"Do you give her the bina or save it for Donna,
"The recent Earth capture who cleans up the sauna,
"But you don't have to give them the bina or bana,
"Since they are just slaves, if you really don't wanna."
Now Whoius Who of the Clan of Whoii
Had awaken and shaken and come on the fly
At the sound of alarm bells that clattered like sin,
And he stood at the forefront and pondered an Ihn.

"Tal, Tal," said the Warrior Whoius Who
"You come from the Sardar, and this do you do?
"You zoom to our room and cause claxons to clash,
"And summon our slaves from their bowls of slave-mash!
"With our paga bowls tipped and our larmas all smashed
"We rush to your presence and what do we hear
"But a confuddled riddle? Well, here is my spear!"
The much-vaunted Warrior Whoius of Who
Raised his spear at the Priest King (not a wise thing to do)
But the Priest King was ready! He depressed a switch
because Priest-Kings all carry gerthunkles for this)
And the notable Whoius burst into flame
Leaving little more left in his place but his name
So the other Whos gazed as the fate of their friend,
And decided to be quiet and listen an Ehn.
The Priest King stepped back, then what happened next
Put their meeting this night in a whole new context
For out the shadows there then came a man
Who boldly announced to them, "Samos-I-am!
The fellow had closely-cropped hair all of white
Two rings in his ears were an interesting sight
And under his right arm he carried some fur
Which he unrolled to show them: the skin of a Kur!
The slaves were all frightened and wriggling away
The rest of the Whoius clan showed dismay
And even the boldest there let out a squawk
When they heard this odd Samos-I-am start to talk:
"Fur...! Kur...! In their own tongue, a beast!
"An ugly smelly fang-faced thing
"They call it in the East.
"They have strange rings they sometimes wear
"Which make them quite invisible
"They dwell in Steel Worlds in the air
"In unions quite divisible."
At this he pointed to a man
Who stood and watched these things
"So now then, noble Grinchius,
"Will you serve the great Priest Kings?"
But Grinchius, he was not convinced
For he liked his house and girls;
He wasn't ready to go forth
And engage in the game of worlds
For I have read the stories,"
Good Grinchius did speak
And I do not like these Priest Kings
"And their science I don't seek.
"I will not play this game of worlds
"And go to the Tahari
And get sunburned diffusing bombs
"For then I would be sorry!
"I will not piss the rencers off
"And wind up on the lam
"I will not serve the Priest Kings
"or their purpose, Samos-I-am!"
Samos-I-am looked troubled
(For he HAD come a long way)
And Grinchius was being rude
So THIS did Samos say:
"Will you serve them in Port Kar?
"Will you serve them up in Ar?"
Grinchius was angry, and he began to rave!
He wanted to get back inside and diddle with his slave!
"I will not serve them in Port Kar,
"I will not serve them up in Ar!
"I will not serve them west of Thentis
"I will not be their new apprentice!
"I care not if they're in a jam,
"I won't serve Priest Kings, Samos-I-am!"
"Will you serve them for one trip?
"Will you sail Tersites ship?"
"I will not serve them for one trip!
"I will not sail Tersites ship!
"I will not bargain, trade or barter
"I will not serve them in the Sardar!
"I won't serve at the En'kara Fair,
"I will not serve them anywhere!
"Because I do not give a damn!
"I will not serve them, Samos-I-am!"
Samos had assumed his anger modality!
He pointed at Grinchius and said "We shall see!"
"You scoff at the Priest Kings, and for that you'll fry!"
"For all of your mocking words, now shall you die."
And what happened next? Well, in Who-ro-ba they say
That one of the Priest King's tertiary hearts grew three sizes that day
So instead of the typical burst of blue flame
The Priest King just left (though he called him a name)
He took Samos with him, who was mad as a larl
And he went back to Port Kar to try to find Tarl
But they heard him exclaim as he faded from sight:
"You won't star in book 26, and it serves you right!"

« Last Edit: Jul 20th, 2017, 04:19am by aura{Hunter} » User IP Logged

aura{Hunter} - chained to the beautiful mirren, aura's heart sister.

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"Beauty and intelligence are all well and good," I said, "but the best slave is she who loves most deeply." (Magicians of Gor, page 204)
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